Shotgun
by Crazy4Moony
Summary: Mello knows he should have shot the man ages ago. He knew Mikami was the third Kira, just as he knew the man would be the end of him one day. But how do you shoot one that is your only weapon-safekeeping-in the world that's going to shitters? Mello's POV


Shotgun

**AN: For xXDeadlyValentineXx**

Mello isn't _stupid_—okay, he's second, but that doesn't make him stupid. He isn't naïve either, he _knows_ he should have put his gun to the man's head and that he should have pulled the trigger without a second's thought—he did it before, it isn't as if he was afraid to kill. No, Mello destroys people's lives like it's nothing. It comes easy on him, actually.

Just like it comes easy on Mikami—and maybe they had a different view of who's wrong and who's right, but the sex is really good and he always makes Mello call out and scre—... but that's just besides the point. The thing is: Mello _knows_. He knows Mikami is the third Kira and cleansing the world together with his '_master_'. But it's so _easy_ to overlook, so easy to forget. It's so trivial when he can make the strong and stoic raven cry out for him and make him beg like he belongs to only one man: _Mello_.

It's so easy to forget that Mikami kills for Kira, when he gives Mello the feeling of superiority he's always wanted—when he makes Mello feel likes he's _first_, for once in his life. It's so good to be wanted in a way like this—when they're together it's all _sparks_ and it's hard and soft at the same time. Mikami clashes all these feelings together, driving Mello absolutely _insane_, but for once that's completely acceptable.

Mello isn't an _idiot_. He knows he should've killed Mikami ages ago, he could've beaten Near. But somehow killing Mikami would feel like _cheating_—like it's a dishonest thing to do.

And all he needs to do is tell himself it's _not_ out of love that he doesn't shoot the older raven—that way he's just fine, caught up in the blissful delusion that they can stay in bed forever, Mikami's marble skin contrasting with his own perfectly. Deep down Mello knows it's all a _lie_—he knows there's a possibility that Mikami will be the one that kills him, as soon as Kira finds out his name, but it's trivial.

If he was a less man, he would've ended it millennia back. He would've ended it before it even begun—but there comes a time in everybody's live when they need to make a choice. And Mello choose Mikami, because _Mikami_ is when he's happy and feels coveted and of use.

Mikami will feed him chocolate if he behaves and will deny him sex if he's naughty. There's a balance between what they have—it's somewhere between painfully real and wonderfully fake. Somewhere between attraction and repulsion—as if pretending to _believe this_ will make it all go _away_.

Mello knows he should have killed the man, for real. But he doesn't want to cheat his way to the top—and why would he care about the top when he has _Mikami_, and Mikami always lets him top—if he asks nicely.

When the moment will be there—when he'll feel it coming—he knows he'll grasp it with both hands, he'll accept that his life wasn't as good as it could have been, he'll go out in smoke much darker than glory or pride or praise—it'll be a gloomy day and it will be raining. Mello knows he didn't change much, but he did his best and he helped Near solve his puzzle: he's been a good boy, only heaven's to come. When he dies it will be sticky and he'll be fighting and kicking till the end. He won't let anyone defeat him easily, unless it's Mikami—but he can't give Kira that satisfaction, so in the end it's bitter and they're yelling. Odd that the one man that brings him so high, can show him so low—Mikami can do so without even trying, and _maybe_ that hurts.

One day he'll be gone, and sometimes he wonders if the raven would miss him—would he be mourned? Would Mikami cry? But Mello doesn't _care_—because sometimes it's just the way Mikami purrs, and moans—the way he always makes Mello come undone.

They're not the best fix—and if Mello is really honest? He should have killed the man a long time ago. But he didn't, because Mikami is the only thing he wants in this rotten world—and it's going to shiters anyways, so why wouldn't he keep _his_ Mikami for a little while longer? Mikami truly is his, and at least Mello defeated Kira in that way—all by himself.

Mikami will never truly be Kira's—because it just so happens that _Mello_ already took him. And in his own way, Mello wins—but then again, in his own way, Mello always wins. Because he always ends up with _Mikami_. He can't kill Mikami, because the man is his gun, his everything, the thing he carries closest to his heart, the most dangerous weapon—_entity_—he possesses. Because of Mikami, he feels alive—and just like a shotgun kiss, he lets his lips trail over the man before he leaves, just one last time. Just to prove his worth to the world—and it's okay that this might not have been an everlasting love, because Mikami is Mello's shotgun, and that doesn't have to be about _everlasting_. It's about possession and hurt and passion—because Mello's always been possessive and hurt and passionate, and Mikami completes him perfectly.

Even when the world is ending, they're always together—even if the man is obsessed, Mello knows that he belongs to Mello and _Mello_ alone. That makes it worth the while—he doesn't even care that the world has gone to shitters. He has _his_ Teru, the end.

**AN: This is the ****first time I wrote a MikamiMello—and I have to say I'm sorta proud… I made it not too bad, if you ask me**

**This is for xXDeadlyValentineXx and the girlfriend Hope it wasn't too bad for you—I'll do another one if you want!**

**Love,  
Crazy4Moony**


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